DThe enthusiastic Bowie was ahead of his time when he said his death should be as interesting as his life – today a number of undertakers are changing the idea of what the end of life can look like.
The most obvious differences are in the products offered. The choice ranges from coffins made of weathered willow, banana leaves and wool to bespoke coffins with Scrabble or piano motifs or a Bauhaus-style urn in lapis lazuli blue. In terms of transport methods, the coffins are transported in converted electric Nissans or VW camper vans. Hearses with motorbikes are also available.
Demand is increasing at less traditional funeral directors. South London-based Poetic Endings has increased the number of funerals it handles by 82% since 2020 – and the types of people it sees have expanded too. Aura, which aims to redefine funeral planning, saw tenfold growth in 2023 compared to 2022. Natural Endings, which has offices in West Yorkshire and Manchester, opened nearly 20 years ago. Its founder Rosie Grant has noticed that in recent years people have put more time and effort into finding a funeral director rather than just going to the next one.
The interiors of these funeral homes also often look different. Exit Here, which has opened a second branch in north London, is run by restaurateur Oliver Peyton and is often mistaken for an art gallery by passers-by, while Poetic Endings is “very botanical and very peaceful,” says its founder Louise Winter. Natural Endings, says Grant, is “quite modern and comfortable – it definitely doesn’t have that kind of Victorian aesthetic.”
Part of this change is due to sustainability – as people want to live more environmentally friendly, it makes sense to have more environmentally friendly, biodegradable coffins. Part of this is driven by an increasingly secular society that is looking for traditions alongside religious traditions.
In some ways, it feels like death and dying are getting a spa treatment today; there is more mindfulness and consideration, and it is seen as an opportunity to buy beautiful things. But while it is understandable that people who like scented candles and wicker baskets in life would want to take some of that style with them into death, this movement goes much deeper than just aesthetics. Beyond trendy typography and beautifully crafted ceramics, there is also a shift in the way people talk and think about death.
In keeping with the modern emphasis on mental health, Winter says there is a growing recognition, particularly among younger people, that “grief is welcome – it’s actually natural to experience grief.” It’s not natural, she says, “to suppress grief and pretend it’s not there and say, ‘Death is nothing at all, just drink a bottle of wine and smile.'” The funeral is part of that: “If we do it right, I think we can avoid all sorts of problems later.”
Part of the change is in language, with euphemisms being discarded. For Winter, it’s about saying the actual words – death, dying, died and dead – but using them “really sensitively and really carefully.”
Grant describes herself as a funeral director – “we don’t call ourselves undertakers because we think that’s a bit hierarchical and we really care about empowering families.”
“The funeral industry has been under a lot of scrutiny recently,” Winter said, referring in part to allegations of improper handling of bodies by Hull-based funeral directors Legacy Independent Funeral Directors. She believes this has led to people “becoming a little bit wiser and more aware. They don’t just accept what they’re told, they ask questions and expect more from funeral directors.” People “don’t necessarily want a Victorian-style man walking in front of a coffin.”
Much of this less traditional wave is being driven by women. The industrialisation of dying in Britain led to “this patriarchal movement of men in top hats,” says Winter. But “women are reclaiming their place in the care of the dead.” In many ways, this is a return to earlier practices in Britain, when the dead were cared for by the community – and much of that work was done by women.
Death was no longer isolated but was once again a part of life and “was more likely to happen at home, so it was less mysterious,” says Grant. As a psychotherapist, she believes it’s “really important to be knowledgeable about (death).” As a modern funeral director, she says, “we try to demystify end-of-life care and funerals to make things less scary.”
There is a growing range of education and support services around death, from death cafes to doulas who support families at the end of life. Former Green Party MP Caroline Lucas is currently training to be a doula. In April, she said that “in the UK and the West in general, we are bad at dealing with and talking about death”, calling it the “last taboo”. The popularity of funerals, which celebrate people’s lives before they die, is also growing. And in recent years, a number of podcasts, from Griefcast to CNN presenter Anderson Cooper’s All There Is, have given people a chance to listen and think more about death and grief.
Since 2022, end-of-life carer Rebecca Illing has been running a “grief-competent” guesthouse in Portugal, where she hosts talks and retreats for grieving families, while Sarah Parker, an end-of-life carer in Devon, hosts various death awareness events. Parker believes that the services of end-of-life carers are becoming increasingly popular “as we become more comfortable with the ‘normal’ nature of death, no longer hiding it away, but bringing it back into people’s homes in the community.”
